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LEARNING TO BE LOVED
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A Christian Workshop for People Who Have Never Experienced a Love-Based Relationship (C)
Theme: “We love because He first loved us.” — 1 John 4:19
Purpose
Some people have experienced relationships based primarily on fear, control, rejection, criticism, abandonment, obligation, or survival. They may want loving relationships but have never had a healthy model to follow.
This workshop begins with a different starting point:
Before I learn how to love someone else, I can learn what it means to receive love from God.
The goal is not simply to find a relationship. The goal is to become a person who can receive love, recognize healthy love, and give love in healthy ways.
Opening Session — What Does It Mean to Be Loved?
Opening Question
Ask participants:
“When you hear the words ‘I love you,’ what do those words mean to you?”
Allow several answers.
Then ask:
- Did the people who said they loved you make you feel safe?
- Were you listened to?
- Were your feelings important?
- Could you disagree without being punished?
- Could you make a mistake and still know you were loved?
- Did love come with conditions?
- Did you have to earn affection?
- Were you afraid the person would leave you?
- Were you expected to give constantly without receiving?
Teaching Point
Many people learned something called “love” that was actually mixed with fear, control, manipulation, neglect, or rejection.
Healthy love does not mean that people never disagree or hurt each other’s feelings.
Healthy love means that two people continually seek one another’s good while practicing honesty, respect, forgiveness, appropriate boundaries, faithfulness, and compassion.
Workshop Principle
Love does not begin with finding the right person.
Love begins with learning that you are capable of receiving and giving love.
STEP 1 — I Admit I Need Love
Statement
“I admit I cannot truly love others until I learn how to receive love.”
Teaching
Some people become excellent at giving while being uncomfortable receiving.
They help everyone.
They solve everyone’s problems.
They give money.
They give their time.
They sacrifice.
But when someone tries to love them, they may become uncomfortable.
They may think:
“I don’t deserve this.”
“What does this person want from me?”
“They will eventually leave.”
“If they really knew me, they wouldn’t love me.”
The first step is admitting:
I need love too.
Exercise — My Definition of Love
Complete these sentences:
Growing up, love meant: ______________________
In previous relationships, love meant: ______________________
When someone shows affection toward me, I usually: ______________________
The thing I am most afraid of in a relationship is: ______________________
Group Discussion
What makes receiving love difficult?
STEP 2 — I Choose to Accept God’s Love
Statement
“I make a decision to accept God’s love and allow myself to be loved.”
Scripture
John 3:16
Romans 5:8
1 John 4:9–10
Teaching
Christian faith begins with something extraordinary:
God loved us first.
We don’t have to become perfect before God loves us.
We don’t have to perform for His love.
We don’t have to compete for His love.
God’s love becomes the foundation from which we learn to love ourselves and others.
Exercise
Close your eyes for a moment and consider:
“What would change in my life if I truly believed that God loves me?”
Write three answers.
Prayer
“God, teach me what it means to be loved by You. Help me receive the love I have resisted, doubted, or believed I didn’t deserve. Amen.”
STEP 3 — I Examine How I Have Given and Taken Love
Statement
“I honestly evaluate how I have given love and how I may have withheld or taken love from others.”
Teaching
This step is about honesty, not condemnation.
Ask yourself:
Have I used anger to control someone?
Have I withdrawn affection to punish someone?
Have I demanded attention?
Have I been jealous?
Have I manipulated someone?
Have I ignored someone’s needs?
Have I expected someone else to make me happy?
Have I stayed silent because I was afraid?
Have I confused dependency with love?
Exercise — Relationship Inventory
Create three columns:
LOVE I RECEIVED | LOVE I GAVE | LOVE THAT WAS MISSING
Think about family, friendships, marriage, dating relationships, church relationships, and other important relationships.
Look for patterns rather than blaming people.
STEP 4 — I Admit When I Feel Unworthy of Love
Statement
“I admit to God, myself, and someone I trust the ways I have believed that I am unworthy of being loved.”
Teaching
A person can carry a hidden belief for decades:
“There must be something wrong with me.”
That belief can affect every relationship.
When someone loves us, we distrust them.
When someone rejects us, we think it proves what we already believed.
God’s love challenges that belief.
Exercise — Replace the Message
Write one negative belief:
I have believed: __________________________
Now write:
God’s love tells me: _______________________
Group Declaration
“My past does not determine my capacity to receive or give love.”
STEP 5 — I Am Ready to Receive Love
Statement
“I am ready to receive healthy love into my life right now.”
Teaching — Learn to Recognize Healthy Love
Healthy love should increasingly produce:
- Safety
- Respect
- Honesty
- Trust
- Kindness
- Patience
- Affection
- Encouragement
- Responsibility
- Forgiveness
- Healthy boundaries
- Freedom to say yes or no
- Mutual giving and receiving
Love does not require accepting abuse, threats, humiliation, coercion, violence, or continual manipulation.
Forgiving someone does not mean giving that person unlimited access to your life.
Exercise
Ask:
“Would I recognize healthy love if someone offered it to me?”
Describe what a healthy relationship would look like.
STEP 6 — I Ask God to Connect Me to His Unconditional Love
Statement
“I humbly ask God to connect my heart to His unconditional love.”
Scripture
Romans 8:38–39
Teaching
Instead of waking each morning asking:
“Who is going to love me today?”
begin asking:
“God, help me receive Your love today and carry that love into every relationship I enter.”
Daily Practice
Spend five minutes each morning:
Minute 1: Be quiet.
Minute 2: Thank God for loving you.
Minute 3: Tell God what you are feeling.
Minute 4: Ask God to help you love someone today.
Minute 5: Sit quietly and remember: I am loved.
STEP 7 — I Recognize People I Have Hurt
Statement
“I make an honest list of people whom my words, choices, or actions have negatively affected.”
Teaching
Receiving love also means becoming responsible.
We stop saying:
“They made me do it.”
Instead, we ask:
“What was my part?”
Private Exercise
Write names privately.
Next to each name write:
What happened?
What was my responsibility?
What would I do differently today?
This list does not have to be shared with the group.
STEP 8 — I Make Amends Where Appropriate
Statement
“I seek forgiveness and make amends wherever it is appropriate and will not create additional harm.”
Teaching
An apology isn’t:
“I’m sorry you got upset.”
A genuine apology sounds more like:
“What I did was wrong. I understand that it hurt you. I am sorry. I don’t expect you to immediately trust or forgive me. I want my future actions to demonstrate that I am changing.”
Making amends does not always mean reestablishing a relationship.
Sometimes respecting another person’s boundaries is part of making amends.
STEP 9 — I Practice Loving Others
Statement
“I intentionally practice loving others.”
Scripture
1 Corinthians 13:4–7
The Love Challenge
For the next seven days practice one quality each day:
Day 1 — Patience
Listen without interrupting.
Day 2 — Kindness
Do something helpful without expecting repayment.
Day 3 — Encouragement
Tell someone something you genuinely appreciate about them.
Day 4 — Honesty
Communicate something truthfully and respectfully.
Day 5 — Forgiveness
Release one resentment while maintaining whatever healthy boundaries are necessary.
Day 6 — Service
Help someone who cannot repay you.
Day 7 — Presence
Give someone your attention without your phone, television, or another distraction.
Key Principle
Love becomes real through repeated loving actions.
STEP 10 — I SEEK LOVE FROM ABOVE EVERY DAY
Statement
“Every day I seek God’s love so I have love to give.”
Teaching
This is not graduation.
It is a new way of living.
Every morning:
Receive love.
Every day:
Practice love.
Every evening:
Examine how you loved.
Every mistake:
Learn, apologize, forgive, and begin again.
THE LOVE-BASED RELATIONSHIP MODEL
Teach participants five simple principles they can remember:
1. I AM LOVED.
My worth does not depend entirely upon another person’s approval.
2. I CAN RECEIVE LOVE.
I don’t have to reject kindness because it feels unfamiliar.
3. I CAN GIVE LOVE.
I can learn new behaviors even if healthy love was never modeled for me.
4. I CAN SET BOUNDARIES.
Love does not require allowing another person to continually mistreat me.
5. I CAN GROW IN LOVE.
Healthy relationships are learned and practiced over time.
PARTNER EXERCISE — LEARNING TO RECEIVE
Put participants in pairs.
Person A says:
“One quality I see in you that I appreciate is ______.”
Person B may only respond:
“Thank you.”
No joking.
No minimizing.
No explaining.
No returning the compliment immediately.
Then reverse roles.
Teaching Point
For someone who has rarely experienced healthy love, simply receiving kindness can be difficult.
Receiving love is something we can practice.
THE 30-DAY LOVE CHALLENGE
Give every participant a journal.
Each evening answer four questions:
1. Where did I experience love today?
2. How did I show love today?
3. Where did fear, anger, rejection, or insecurity affect my relationships?
4. What can I do differently tomorrow?
Finish every entry with:
“God, teach me to receive Your love and give Your love tomorrow.”
CLOSING CEREMONY
Give each participant a card containing these words:
I AM LEARNING TO LIVE IN LOVE
I don’t have to repeat every relationship pattern I learned in the past.
I can learn what healthy love looks like.
I can receive love without being afraid of it.
I can give love without controlling another person.
I can apologize when I am wrong.
I can forgive while maintaining healthy boundaries.
I can communicate honestly.
I can treat others with dignity.
I can allow others to treat me with dignity.
Most importantly:
I can come to God every day and receive the love I need to continue learning how to love.
RECEIVE LOVE.
PRACTICE LOVE.
GIVE LOVE.
SEEK LOVE FROM ABOVE.
10 Steps with Robert Macs
Burning Desire
Addicted
Anger
My Abuser
Spiritual Abuser
The Jesus Way of Love || Robert Macs I Love You
10 Steps to Love Teachings Meditation 1 hour 30 minutes
1. I admit I can’t love without first being Loved.
2. I made a decision to accept God’s love and be loved.
3. Made an evaluation of how I have given love and taken love from others.
4. Admitted to God, myself and another, of how I don’t feel worthy to be Loved.
5. I am ready to receive love into my life right now!
6. Humbly ask God to connect me to His Unconditional Love.
7. Make a list of those who I have Impacted negatively.
8. Make amends where possible.
9. Practice Loving others.
10. Seek Love daily from Above.
Step 1. I admit I can’t love, without first being Loved.
God the Creator knew before the beginning of time how much pressure you would be under. This is one of the reasons that he took it upon himself to bear the responsibility for your situation. He wanted someone that he could have companionship with. Someone that he could share his love with. Somewhere that his love could dwell within. Inside you his treasure. His temple. His beloved. The first step for you. Is to accept his love. The power of his love will enter into your heart. As love enters into your heart. You will change knowing that you are loved. Accepted by God the Creator. Made perfectly imperfect. God himself sees you as a diamond. A treasure. A beautiful person. A person worth fighting for. A person. A creation. To love forever. This first step is to accept God’s love. Look into the eyes of love. Look into the eyes of your Creator. Know that he bears your scars. All that you were feeling in life. He has suffered. All the things you feel. That he could be one with you. Accept the love. Become the love today.
Jesus replied, truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.
Unless we acknowledge Love into our lives, His loving presence will not come to us. Let us yield to Love in our lives and be born of both Love and Light, that our lives and others may be touched.
Be One
Step 2. I made a decision to accept God’s love and be loved.
I accept your love into my heart, into my spirit. I accept your love. I accept my creator who made me perfect the way I am with all my imperfections. My creator loves me and cares about me. He bears my imperfections upon his own body that I might be loved. Be able to become his temple of love. A place where his love and compassion dwells. A place where I can be fulfilled in the darkest of times. I will see your light. I will look into your eyes. I will see your love. I will see nothing else. I want you to descend upon me. Becoming a place where you live forever. Send your love. May your spirit of love descend upon me now.
3. Made an evaluation of how I have given love and taken love from others.
Take time to do an inventory of how you’ve been loved. How did your mother? How did your father love you? Were you abused? Were you abandoned? Were you broken? Who broke you? How do you respond to others? Do you take from them? Do you look at them for what they can give to you? Are you a victim? Are you an abuser? How do you love? How do you feel about love? I personally didn’t feel connected or loved. So in lots of ways, I was broken.
My response to love it was more mechanical. Trying to do the right thing but not understanding how to connect. My inventory was not good.
My relationships were not complete. I learned that I didn’t know how to be loved. I felt ashamed.
I felt inadequate. I felt incapable. And so, I cannot complete the powerful love of family.
I have decided to be loved. I’ve decided to accept love. I’ve decided that I am perfectly imperfect before God.
I forgave my creator for all the abuse, and He forgave me. I accepted His creation process to make a beautiful person. Now He completes me with his love.
Now I feel like I can love. I understand and I know what love is. How does your love look like? Do you feel perfect in God’s eyes? It takes practice to rewrite positive messages of love.
4. Admitted to God, myself and another, of how I don’t feel worthy to be Loved.
We live in a pretty rough world. People tell us they we are flawed all day long. Starts at home. Starts at school. Messages are written in our head over and over. How we didn’t quite measure up. Happens at work. Happens in our marriage. Happens in our family. Didn’t keep the rules for the family. Didn’t keep the rules for school. Something went wrong. They don’t like the way you look. They don’t like the way you act. On and on it goes. One million reasons not to love yourself. People want to take credit for your work. People want to take over your money. Because they say they are worthy. It’s often a negative world. Then you hear that God created you. To become his temple filled with his love. It’s contrary to everything that you’ve learned. Then you have to decide love is possible. I am created to overcome darkness. I am created to overcome hate. I am created to become love.
5. I am ready to receive love into my life right now!
I accept your love into my life. I accept your power. I accept your light. I accept the fact that I have been designed for you to love. I accept love. I ask that you pour your holy love upon me. Dwell in me with your eternal love. I pray that I will feel your love every day. I will look into your eyes. I will look with hope. I know that I am loved. I receive your love God. I am created to be loved and to love others. I will overcome anything in my path. I accept this love. I accept this love into my life. Into my home. Into my family. Into my community. Everywhere I go. Love will be with me. Everlasting love.
6. Humbly ask God to connect me to His Unconditional Love
Hi God. I’m having a rough day. I hope you can help me out. I need to look into your eyes. To see that love you have for me. Cause I’m having trouble seeing it today. I want to see what you see. Why did you create a world? That is so difficult for us. I am feeling really low. I’m just thinking. Tell me again how much you love me. Tell me again how much you care about me. I knew you could see I’d be struggling today. I’m just asking for your grace. Your mercy and your compassion. That I can feel loved by you today. Because I’m kinda empty right now. So I’m asking again today and every day to believe. That you love me. Believe that you are perfect. Believe that this process that you’re taking me through. Is perfect. That everything that’s happening to me on a daily basis. Is in your plan for my life. That I need to look at it differently. I need to look at what I can learn from this. I need to look at it for how I could become more loving. I can’t do that unless I feel connected to you. So I humbly ask you to love me and help me feel loved.
7. Make a list of those who I have Impacted negatively.
Take time to make a list of all the people that you have not loved properly. For me it’s almost repetitive. Same problem, dysfunctional relationship, not able to connect in an emotional loving way. So, I have liabilities, people I have impacted negatively. With this list I’m also making a list of people that have impacted me negatively. People I need to understand why they did the things that they did in order to resolve the conflicts within me. So today I make an inventory the people that I’ve struggled with and the people that have struggled with me.
8. Make amends where possible.
Making amends. Sometimes we can salvage our relationships. Acknowledge our failures. We need to be able to move past that. Into successful relationships of love and compassion. Sometimes we are able to make a reconnection. Apologize for our behavior. It doesn’t mean that we can have that relationship. Because in so many ways it’s already been broken. The love will come from you. You’ll be available to heal those that are in need. You need not only to make a list of those people that you’ve hurt. But also, the people that have hurt you. Because making amends. Acknowledges the fact that they’ve harmed you. That they’ve done things that are not right. You’ve looked at their lives and maybe you’ve seen that their father or their mother has harmed them. Maybe they were molested. Maybe they were damaged by others. They were passing that harm down to you. Without knowledge of what love is. But you have learned through all the pain. To overcome pain through love. Not just your love. But from God’s love. His spirit enters you daily. You feel connected. You feel forgiven. You feel perfect in God’s love. The power of love helps you restore your family relationships. That love will never stop and actually will become a healing to all those that you connect with. Because your love will flow over all the flaws of relationship. All the wrongs. All the imperfections. You’ll be able to confront evil in its face without fear. Be able to say God loves you but if you deny love. I refuse to allow you to enter into my world. It’s not okay that you abuse. Turn from the darkness. So, we can walk in the light together. I want to be loved. Love is pure. I will walk with God. Feel the love. Feel the light.
9. Practice Loving others.
Practice loving. Take it slow. Maybe volunteer for a charity. Something that your heart leads you to do. Maybe you work in a church. Maybe you help in your community. You’re giving your life back. Your time back to helping those that need love. You don’t try to fix them. You don’t try to restore everyone. You share that love you have. With your friends. Your family. In your community. You become healthy and whole. Loved incomplete. You practice and you practice, and you practice. Being loved. Giving love. Restoring hope. Restoring your family. Restoring your community. Being loved. Giving love.
10. Seek Love daily from Above.
Be refreshed daily. This is why it was spoken. That you should pray. It wasn’t supposed to be a religious thing. In a church only. It was supposed to be between you and God. A connection to perfect love. It was supposed to help you breach the negative world. That we live in. You have to refresh daily. Sometimes maybe a couple times a day. Don’t be afraid to tell God how rough it is. How tough it is or how unfair it is. Make sure you know that he understands. What you have to go through. Look into his eyes. See what he’s done for you. That he was willing to come down to this earth and suffer. That he was willing to do that for you. That you might have an opportunity. To be loved forever. He wants a relationship with you. He wants to connect. In order for love to happen inside you. You need to be connected every day every moment. When negative people really impact you. You might want to take a minute to catch your breath and feel his love again. Take time to refresh your love. Be anointed with his compassion. Feel God’s presence. Be restored in love. Have others pray. Their love into your heart.
10 Steps Song
Come to Me
Thankful
Be One
Soundtrack for 10 Steps to love
Soundtrack with abuse songs
Come to Me
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Love Based Relationships